Hello

* Please note, given this week, and feeling triggered myself because of news media I am opening with the suicide prevention lifeline number. Also please do not read this if you are struggling yourself with suicidal thoughts. I write my way through my emotions, as well as therapy, visits to my psychologists, meditation, self care,  and prescribed meds.* National Suicide Prevention Lifeline We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. 1-800-273-8255 Four months ago I WAS in therapy after basically just having a nervous breakdown. I am still working through EVERYTHING. Later I might see what others saw, until then I am new to owning basically it was a nervous breakdown. I stood in my kitchen with a handful of pills. There was about twenty.In the bedrooms were three sleeping boys. I was strugging with the chaos

I feel like one day I might write about rainbows and sunshine, but today isn't that day. Let's be real those rainbow and sunshine days are only appreciated because of the dark and gloomy days. Sometimes in my life those days turn into weeks, and there can be months where it all just falls apart. It's not always dark and gloomy, there are moments. Life around here is a roller coaster. Some days I have just enough mix to keep me grounded, and some days are fantastic and then well those clouds roll in. I used to be afraid of thunderstorms. They scared the living daylights  out of me. I would hide under the blankets with my Dad's dog in high school through college when those storms rolled in. I didn't understand how something could have so much power and be so destructive. My life is similar to a thunderstorm. With the right conditions ( or in this analogy with the wrong conditions) those clouds stay. My life becomes a hail storm of missed steps. The winds howl wi