Hello

 Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there. This is where you find the invisibles as I call it. Can you see Autism,Anziety, PTSD, Depression and many other disabilities/disorders/ or even diseases? No, you can't physically see the titles, but what you can see is aftereffects.  I stand in the grocery isle, usually it's the dairy isle for some reason, but I stand in the dairy isle, I reach for the cooler door, and fumble a bit, it happens to everyone not a big deal right?  What you don't see, is I feel the brain fog coming in. My heart starts racing. My brain can't get my mouth to open. This moment has been coming wether I knew it or not, it's been coming.  My husband looks at me and whispers "hun are you okay? " I shake my head no. He touches my hand and says "How can I help?" I can't speak my body won't let me. So we sit on the floor. We sit till I feel stable enough to get up. I sit with my head leaned back on

      I think it's been made pretty clear through my writing I keep my circle small, I feel deeply,  and I always feel like an outsider. Something big I had planned last month happened. Something I had to reschedule once because of things out of control. Something that was important to me I waited two years to do.      My husband and I renewed our vows. I would like to say it was an easy thing and my friends and family gathered and it was a great big party. However, like all parties I plan it didn't go that way. Family showed up because well, I  really am lucky there. They are the people I know I can depend on. A few other people really stepped up and shocked the hell out of and made it the event that it was. The numbers were small, but because they were there to support me I kept it together that day. It was a good day.      However,  there was some people that really, really let me down. I'm ride or die. I'm loyal to a fault, let me say that again I am loyal to a faul