The Invisibles

 Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there. This is where you find the invisibles as I call it. Can you see Autism,Anziety, PTSD, Depression and many other disabilities/disorders/ or even diseases? No, you can't physically see the titles, but what you can see is aftereffects. 

I stand in the grocery isle, usually it's the dairy isle for some reason, but I stand in the dairy isle, I reach for the cooler door, and fumble a bit, it happens to everyone not a big deal right? 

What you don't see, is I feel the brain fog coming in. My heart starts racing. My brain can't get my mouth to open. This moment has been coming wether I knew it or not, it's been coming.  My husband looks at me and whispers "hun are you okay? " I shake my head no. He touches my hand and says "How can I help?" I can't speak my body won't let me. So we sit on the floor. We sit till I feel stable enough to get up. I sit with my head leaned back on the dairy door. What happened you are asking?

The lights in the buildings from running errands have tripped me up, and my body finally decided it was giving me one last loud warning before I had a seizure. That's the thing with Epilepsy you don't see what's causing the moment, you just see what's going on on the outside. 

Imagine this frustration in the grocery store, now be in an ER being semi conscious and aware of what is going on, but being yelled at by a nurse because you aren't speaking. My poor husband was trying to answer for the more. I was physically trying to answer and it was coming out as garbled noises, and yet the nurse was still yelling at me and my husband.  I as a fully grown women, felt like I was 3. I held onto that feeling but then I got excited when I heard that voice say "Where is she?" That voice my friends was the voice of my Mom coming to rescue my husband and me, me who was 35+ years old. Mom did what Mom does,  and that nurse decided to switch gears and stop pushing. 

This is what being in the Invisible community is like. Outside you look "normal," inside your body is betraying you in some moments. You feel broken on the inside,  you are struggling and yet the world can't see it. They don't see the struggle so there is no struggle in their eyes. 

You can't see Anxiety until the person is showing the struggle. You can't see PTSD until a situation triggers an outwardly response. Looking at my kids, you wouldn't instantly be able to see the diagnosis they have which include Autism, ADD, PTSD, GI issues, Failure to Thrive and being on an adjusted growth chart till one was 10. 

I can usually tell when one of my kids are struggling,  because I live with them so I can see the change. Sometimes they can notice when my pupils get huge and they know it's a warning sign Momma might have a seizure. We see it because we live it. 

Being an Invisible is hard. You see it. Those closest to you can usually see it, but to the outside world, you are perfectly fine and how dare you ask for "more" because you are fine you don't need it. If the need can't be seen on the outside few bother to think what could be going on in the inside.