Hello

 As the news creeps slowly into my news feeds about Gabby, I take pause before I open anything.  Trigger Warning: Physical, domestic, and every other type of abuse might be mentioned.  I put the trigger warning, because I need the trigger warning myself. Some find the words trigger warning to be those for the weak, and I have to stifle an angry laugh. I am not weak because I need a trigger warning, I survived. I survived.  For me a series of bad relationships was set off by sexual trauma. I seemed to be lost in the trauma and unable to move forward I kept picking the wrong situation. It lead to abuse from more then one person, and more then one kind.  I am not a small women, never have been, I may be short, but my weight is up there. I wouldn't say that I am easy to push around either, but I have been. I can't stand my neck being touched, because I have been picked up by the neck and held up in the air. My toes did not touch ground until I told an ex I loved him. I didn't l

 It has been a good chunk of time since I wrote. A lot of things have happened.  My Dad had some health issues, I had to re-live my fear of losing him. That man is on borrowed time already, but the powers at be have decided he has more time. It was hard mentally for me to go through that. All those feelings from so many years ago came flooding back. I don't do well when I have no control over a situation, and that was definitely one I struggled with.  I did something brave too, I am chair of a NH organization. It is crazy to think, that me, ME, the wallflower, found a voice. In some of my circles, I AM the loud voice too. It's crazy and beautiful, hard and rewarding, it gives me life and infuriates me. It's my passion and I don't know how to quiet that voice anymore. It is the strongest part of me besides the Momma Dragon mode.  My Tall Kid has been doing well. He has an interview for a place closer to home. Cross your fingers, toes, legs, every damn body part you can.