My story isn't over.

* Please note, given this week, and feeling triggered myself because of news media I am opening with the suicide prevention lifeline number. Also please do not read this if you are struggling yourself with suicidal thoughts. I write my way through my emotions, as well as therapy, visits to my psychologists, meditation, self care,  and prescribed meds.*

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals. 1-800-273-8255

Four months ago I WAS in therapy after basically just having a nervous breakdown. I am still working through EVERYTHING. Later I might see what others saw, until then I am new to owning basically it was a nervous breakdown.

I stood in my kitchen with a handful of pills. There was about twenty.In the bedrooms were three sleeping boys. I was strugging with the chaos that is our life. It has been a really rough year, well we are going on a year. Many ups and downs, and the lows where some of the lowest we have been through. I was struggling with self care and remembering to take my meds. I hate taking pills. I really do. Life that night was almost too much.

Then a sleepy toddler came into the kitchen dragging his blankey and asking me why I was awake.
I put the pills back in their bottles, scooped him up, and cried myself to sleep. That was almost the end. The closest I have ever come to any kind of follow through, to leaving the world.

It's a daily struggle, still. Some days are better then others. Some days I cry, some days I yell, and somedays I retreat to the safety of my bedroom. I still try to hide, and shut out the world. It's harder to talk about feelings and emotions in a positive way when I don't understand them. Sometimes it is easy to see the trigger and figure out the situation.

The point is no matter what is going on, you can't fix it if you are not here. Don't let the story end on a bad note. Keep going.

; My story isn't over.