Hello

It It's been a long week, says me in the middle of Wednesday. Here is the thing with this statement, it means I am done. It means I want to crawl into my bed and ignore being an adult. My brain won't shut off. I am stuck in this uncertainty feeling that I am messing up everything. My Insomnia, my depression, my PTSD, my labels are starting to consume me. From the outside I hide it well. To many on the outside it looks like business as usual. This is my mask. I have a pretty high ability to maintain just enough of my normal routine that I make it through. If I see you I will smile. I will tell you I am tired, and for most they don't understand my tired, they look at me as a mom, and well what Mom isn't tired? My tired, well my tired, is different. I am exhausted, mentally, and physically from fighting the demons that live in my head. You can't run from your thoughts, so my brain spends all day running from one thing to the next. The mask is really good at

     I said to my mom, " I am an introvert with extrovert responsibilities." She said it was a good idea for my next blog. I laughed. She will probably steal this wording, and it will be one of those that live as a Jessism, sometimes I stumble into greatness.     I think we need to look quickly at the introverts and extroverts, in my world my Mom is an extrovert. She could talk to people all day long, she can think on her feet. She can people on the fly, without batting an eye.     Me on the other hand, I have called my husband from inside the grocery store crying before because there was too many people. I have called him from the parking lot because I couldn't handle other drivers and I was white knuckle griping the steering wheel. I still have to bring people to my appointments because either I can't drive myself there, or I won't talk, or I just won't go. Yes, all three of those reasons are different. This means, I don't people well.      I am an