Hello

     I live in a strange bubble, those who are in my niche little communities know me as this voice, they know me as this strong advocate. In real life, it's comical how quickly I can sit in the background and not be seen or acknowledged. Sometimes I feel like I live a double life in this bubble, the struggle to be seen and the struggle to not want to be seen can be an interesting balance. I know at almost 40 I feel like I should have this a bit more figured out, but then again, does anybody know what they are doing honestly?  I feel everything and nothing.  I am strong but yet weak.  I am caring but yet I can be petty and sometimes vengeful.  I am honest but can mask a thousand things when I need to.  I want to be loved but live by the motto, leave before you are left.  I want to be seen but yet I like to hide in the back of the room when I am unsure.  I want everything but feel like I am deserving of nothing.  I can be outgoing and more depressed then you will ever know.  I am ca