Ugg this room again.
As I walk in the hallway to that room I am all to familiar with I hit the doorway and stand taller, walk in and sit in the middle of the row of chairs, strategically as I can see everybody else in the meeting at all times. I could be in this room for either one of the older two boys. Welcome to an IEP meeting.
Damian is the oldest, and he will always be the child I worry about it. It is simple, he is not good with relationships and he has a hard time regulating his emotions in a healthy way. He is on the higher end of the Autism spectrum, ADD, high level of anxiety, dyslexic tendencies, struggles with holding a pencil or silverware the correct way, has an IQ at the level of an 18 male, is good in math, inquisitive, factual, kind, and everything in between. He is starting puberty early, he noticed his voice is changing, and as I hear him laugh in the background I can hear the deeper voice coming. His numerical age is 11, his emotional age on a good day is 8, a bad day 6, IQ wise he is 18. There is quite the gap there, I have recently developed many new gray hairs. I counted 10 new gray hairs the other day. We chose to medicate him when none of the traditional therapies, the behavior techniques and many other trial and error runs didn't work. Recently we did another change in medicine as the start of puberty seemed to bring out the worst in him.
I have become a center force in these IEP meetings. He is in an alternative classroom, and he will stay in a non traditional setting because this is where he thrives. We discuss his progress academically, we discuss how his behavior has set him back from progressing to doing specials in the mainstream classroom. We discuss his need for summer school.
When we are not in those meetings, I am on speed dial. The school calls when he has to be placed in a separate room for safety concerns, when there is odd behavior, and when we have to pick him up because simply he can't be there. I get the call when he is uncooperative and hiding under desks, and placed on speaker phone to talk him out.
This is the child that isn't my flesh and blood, and because he doesn't understand will be quick to say I am not his mom, but I am his Jessie. It is a bittersweet title all these years later. He will always be my first baby, and he will always be the one I worry about when I lay my head down at night. He is who he is, and sometimes it is his blessing and his curse.
Then there is Jon, my no volume control, wild almost five year old. His labels are lacking because I stalled my feet. They wanted to peg him as Autistic, and it didn't fit so I waited until we could get good results back. Why couldn't we get good results, well by the time he was three his vocabulary was limited to about 50 words. His only labels are communication delayed, and gross/fine motor impairment. Like he still needs help dressing himself. He is learning how to use scissors. physically he is three. Mentally we know he knows more than he gets. The only way to describe it is like his brain is a filing cabinet, and sometimes he can pull the files out and sometimes he forgets the key to open the drawer. His big scary appointment is in April. About a week before he turns five.
With Jon, the IEP meetings are run very different. I sit in the same spot as I do with Damian but it is a much larger group. We discuss how to transition from Headstart to the "big school." We review his therapies. We review goals and progress and what still needs to be accomplished. I don't run these meetings. I have to share my power, I have to trust the people in the room will hold up their end of the bargain. Much like Damian, Jon still needs supports but he will be in the mainstream classroom. That scares me. I fear he will be left behind. I fear he will fall in the crack, and not be cared for. I sit in those meetings and often fight back the tears, I hear them say well we all have a fondness for Jon. We won't let him fall in the cracks. He is such a pleasure to work with.
This is the child that is my flesh and blood. This is the child that will get far with his personality. To be honest, his looks aren't so bad either. I don't worry so much about him. I mean we all worry about our children, but I think in life Jon will have an easier time. He also received services much earlier than Damian did, and if you are familiar with the school, or special education you know the sooner the better.
I sit in the same room for both kids, roughly the spot too. I think they should put my name on the chair. Two different meetings take place, the key people are not the same. Two very different children, two very different supports needed, and one key player is the same, me.
So next time you look at a kid, a mother, a family, remember while they may look similar or share the same last name the efforts to teach, or to raise the child must be delivered in different ways. Different expectations, same motherly goal at the end, but the approach and the time needed to get there will be different, very, very different.
And this is a glimpse into the Land of Chaos.......................
P.S I also need to invest stock into hair dye, I think I am going to need it.
Damian is the oldest, and he will always be the child I worry about it. It is simple, he is not good with relationships and he has a hard time regulating his emotions in a healthy way. He is on the higher end of the Autism spectrum, ADD, high level of anxiety, dyslexic tendencies, struggles with holding a pencil or silverware the correct way, has an IQ at the level of an 18 male, is good in math, inquisitive, factual, kind, and everything in between. He is starting puberty early, he noticed his voice is changing, and as I hear him laugh in the background I can hear the deeper voice coming. His numerical age is 11, his emotional age on a good day is 8, a bad day 6, IQ wise he is 18. There is quite the gap there, I have recently developed many new gray hairs. I counted 10 new gray hairs the other day. We chose to medicate him when none of the traditional therapies, the behavior techniques and many other trial and error runs didn't work. Recently we did another change in medicine as the start of puberty seemed to bring out the worst in him.
I have become a center force in these IEP meetings. He is in an alternative classroom, and he will stay in a non traditional setting because this is where he thrives. We discuss his progress academically, we discuss how his behavior has set him back from progressing to doing specials in the mainstream classroom. We discuss his need for summer school.
When we are not in those meetings, I am on speed dial. The school calls when he has to be placed in a separate room for safety concerns, when there is odd behavior, and when we have to pick him up because simply he can't be there. I get the call when he is uncooperative and hiding under desks, and placed on speaker phone to talk him out.
This is the child that isn't my flesh and blood, and because he doesn't understand will be quick to say I am not his mom, but I am his Jessie. It is a bittersweet title all these years later. He will always be my first baby, and he will always be the one I worry about when I lay my head down at night. He is who he is, and sometimes it is his blessing and his curse.
Then there is Jon, my no volume control, wild almost five year old. His labels are lacking because I stalled my feet. They wanted to peg him as Autistic, and it didn't fit so I waited until we could get good results back. Why couldn't we get good results, well by the time he was three his vocabulary was limited to about 50 words. His only labels are communication delayed, and gross/fine motor impairment. Like he still needs help dressing himself. He is learning how to use scissors. physically he is three. Mentally we know he knows more than he gets. The only way to describe it is like his brain is a filing cabinet, and sometimes he can pull the files out and sometimes he forgets the key to open the drawer. His big scary appointment is in April. About a week before he turns five.
With Jon, the IEP meetings are run very different. I sit in the same spot as I do with Damian but it is a much larger group. We discuss how to transition from Headstart to the "big school." We review his therapies. We review goals and progress and what still needs to be accomplished. I don't run these meetings. I have to share my power, I have to trust the people in the room will hold up their end of the bargain. Much like Damian, Jon still needs supports but he will be in the mainstream classroom. That scares me. I fear he will be left behind. I fear he will fall in the crack, and not be cared for. I sit in those meetings and often fight back the tears, I hear them say well we all have a fondness for Jon. We won't let him fall in the cracks. He is such a pleasure to work with.
This is the child that is my flesh and blood. This is the child that will get far with his personality. To be honest, his looks aren't so bad either. I don't worry so much about him. I mean we all worry about our children, but I think in life Jon will have an easier time. He also received services much earlier than Damian did, and if you are familiar with the school, or special education you know the sooner the better.
I sit in the same room for both kids, roughly the spot too. I think they should put my name on the chair. Two different meetings take place, the key people are not the same. Two very different children, two very different supports needed, and one key player is the same, me.
So next time you look at a kid, a mother, a family, remember while they may look similar or share the same last name the efforts to teach, or to raise the child must be delivered in different ways. Different expectations, same motherly goal at the end, but the approach and the time needed to get there will be different, very, very different.
And this is a glimpse into the Land of Chaos.......................
P.S I also need to invest stock into hair dye, I think I am going to need it.
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