I might be an okay parent afterall.
I sat in that room. I have full trust in this women. This women who is Damian's pediatrician. We discussed what has been going on. Sometimes these turn into mini therapy sessions because I don't know what of his behaviors we need to look at and track and what is typical 11 year old behavior. We discuss a lot.
In that room we discussed how I was doing. We talked about how I had written out Damian's medicine list, how many pills he had left, how many refills where left, when he takes his meds and if he shows any side affects. Then she said the thing she never says, she said "This is more telling of how YOU are doing to me. The last few visits we haven't had this list."
Wait. Stop. Me? But your Damian's pediatrician. Could it be that you are trying to get the whole picture or could it be that you care too. Then the words they just spilled out. The flood gates opened. We discussed everything that has been going on with Damian. All the things I wasn't going to say came out of my mouth. All of them. She sat there and she listened. And then she did the thing I have been so longing for.
She told me I was doing everything right. She looked at Damian and said he needed to make better choices. She looked at Damian and said that he COULD control these behaviors and was old enough to do so. She told me it was going to be long road, but she said she agreed with what I was doing.
I often question my choices. I often doubt my ability to parent him. I often time feel like a failure. People don't always agree with what we do, and they don't have to. Sometimes in the darker moments, in the weeks that seem to drag, I need to hear I am doing a good job. I need to hear that someone has faith in what I am doing, in my goals for Damian.
I sat there in that room and for the first time since the summer started I felt like I wasn't failing as a parent. I felt like I had this. I needed that. I needed that.
In that room we discussed how I was doing. We talked about how I had written out Damian's medicine list, how many pills he had left, how many refills where left, when he takes his meds and if he shows any side affects. Then she said the thing she never says, she said "This is more telling of how YOU are doing to me. The last few visits we haven't had this list."
Wait. Stop. Me? But your Damian's pediatrician. Could it be that you are trying to get the whole picture or could it be that you care too. Then the words they just spilled out. The flood gates opened. We discussed everything that has been going on with Damian. All the things I wasn't going to say came out of my mouth. All of them. She sat there and she listened. And then she did the thing I have been so longing for.
She told me I was doing everything right. She looked at Damian and said he needed to make better choices. She looked at Damian and said that he COULD control these behaviors and was old enough to do so. She told me it was going to be long road, but she said she agreed with what I was doing.
I often question my choices. I often doubt my ability to parent him. I often time feel like a failure. People don't always agree with what we do, and they don't have to. Sometimes in the darker moments, in the weeks that seem to drag, I need to hear I am doing a good job. I need to hear that someone has faith in what I am doing, in my goals for Damian.
I sat there in that room and for the first time since the summer started I felt like I wasn't failing as a parent. I felt like I had this. I needed that. I needed that.
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