Hello

"If it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger," the motto of 2016 and there's 24 days left of December. I am really looking forward to the end of 2016. Whatever shit happened in 2016 is staying in 2016. I am starting 2017, fully in the middle of actually taking care of me. Weekly therapy sessions, I should have seen the specialist and be on meds at that point, and I should be hooked up with a nutritionist at this point too. I may be fragile, I may be a little broken, but I am mending me back together. It's not easy. I still have bad days, and I still WILL have bad days. Dealing with the all the stuff I buried away in the last 13 years, it's going to take time to unpack that baggage. But I am working on it. I learned some things this year. I let go of some relationships I just kind of outgrew. Sometimes the fall out is hard, and sometimes it is easy. I left the door open this time, maybe in another time the friendship will come ba...

Hi, let me start with some things, it won't make sense till further on, but here I go. It has been like 13 or 14 years. I have been in therapy for a month. I have depression, anxiety, an eating disorder, and possibly PTSD. I have carried this secret with me for 13 or 14 years. I am a survivor of sexual assault. It was the same night my best friend was raped. We were a little naïve, and did some stupid things. I feel so much regret I couldn't save her like she saved me. She is still my best friend. I don't know if she carried guilt about that weekend or not but we basically never talked about it again. It wasn't our fault. I didn't even start to entertain that thought until today. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't her fault. We didn't consent. We weren't in our right minds. They were older, much older. We were outnumbered. We might as well been light years from home, but we were only in a neighboring state. It wasn't my fault, I couldn...

Welcome to the year of best intentions, here is the tombstone marking the departure of their existence into this world: So many plans were thought off, crossed off, restarted, crossed off, and well you get the picture. I can't say this year was easy, or very rewarding, I can't say I took great care of myself. I can't say relationships didn't suffer, burdens weren't placed on others, and well that honestly I came really, really close to a nervous breakdown.  What I can say is this, I survived, somehow. I made it through perhaps one of my toughest years yet. I end the year, in a house, yeah that is right a HOUSE. I end the year closer to family. I end the year knowing who supports me, who will tolerate my chaos and who puts up with being a low maintenance friend.  I end the year knowing my mental health is scary, and it's hard to maintain. I am okay with this, because by accepting it, it makes it easier to change. I may never be the little ray of ...

Hi!!! Tiss the season to start thinking about Christmas/holiday shopping................for everybody but me, cause this chick is 90% done. The rest is gift cards so there is no big panic on buying and shipping, it could also wind up just being cash but anyways back on topic.  A few of my favorite places to shop at are: Hollar:            www.hollar.com/share/266680 Shutterfly       https://invite-shutterfly.com/x/1tOYz1 Zulily              http://www.zulily.com/invite/trexnangel66 Here is the breakdown of why they are my favorites:  Hollar, it's like dollar store items, and any order over $25 ships free, and sometimes I can snag really good deals. This site changes frequently, and can be hit or miss, but I find I can always find something here.........like when moving..........it was my go to place, besides Home Depot.  Shutterfly gives out freebies like fudge samples at my favor...

Dear Special Needs Moms, I see you at the grocery store, the town office, the parking lots, the pediatric office, the WIC office. I know you are everywhere. I see you with those dark circles under your eyes. I see you with that calm and frazzled expression. I see you trying to hold your child and those big feelings together because the meltdown is coming for your child, or you ( or both)  but you are in public. I see you celebrating that moment the world missed because they didn't know ( like my Jon who kicked a ball for the first time at age 4, yes we bought the ball). It is is easy to find you in the crowd, because we share that look. I am willing to venture that you probably own more pajamas, or athletic clothes (yoga pants, sweat pants, pj's with pockets) then dress clothes. I am willing to bet that your circle of friends is small enough you can count them on one hand. I am willing to bet I  could probably find you online in a parent group for your child's diagnosis...

     Please note, neither one of us have any studies to back this up, we just have common links with our children. This was just our conversation, but we decided to be brave, and I decided I would be the one to write it.      I was talking to a friend last night, ( I think you earned that title) and we had a very interesting conversation about the things we have in common, Autism, Mental Illness, and the desire to be a voice. Pretty heavy stuff, since I had just randomly sent her a message and asked her about her views on what causes Autism.      See we are two moms, in the same small state. We only know each through Facebook, although meeting in real life wouldn't be that hard, except for you know we both have children with special needs, multiple kids, are stay at home moms, and it's summer. Honestly, we don't people well unless we need to. We save our patience for our kids. We save our energy for our kids, and errands with said kids. W...

We made it almost four months in to the year and I have yet to sit down and write anything of true substance, it's not for a lack of things, it's just I needed to be in a good place, and I didn't get there till well kinda now. So I hope you have a beverage, this may take a while. The year started off rocky. My oldest is well, behavioral a lot difficult, and the middle child found he has lots of opinions, and they must be heard. Those two sometimes are like oil and water. When one is loud the other is annoyed, add in everything else and it becomes a fire on top of the water, it just skims the top and becomes more explosive, it really feels like it could go on forever like the ocean. Those battles suck. The oldest is about my height and for now I am stronger than him but that won't always last. We had that. Then we had the teeth, you ever have to put your kid in a headlock to brush his teeth? You ever have to do that day in and day out because he can't stand to ha...