Finding my peace


"If it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger," the motto of 2016 and there's 24 days left of December. I am really looking forward to the end of 2016. Whatever shit happened in 2016 is staying in 2016.

I am starting 2017, fully in the middle of actually taking care of me.
Weekly therapy sessions, I should have seen the specialist and be on meds at that point, and I should be hooked up with a nutritionist at this point too.

I may be fragile, I may be a little broken, but I am mending me back together. It's not easy. I still have bad days, and I still WILL have bad days. Dealing with the all the stuff I buried away in the last 13 years, it's going to take time to unpack that baggage. But I am working on it.

I learned some things this year. I let go of some relationships I just kind of outgrew. Sometimes the fall out is hard, and sometimes it is easy. I left the door open this time, maybe in another time the friendship will come back, maybe it won't.

I learned who my real ride or die friends were. Who they came out to be was really kind of surprising. I made a friend. A good friend. Someone I can drop my middle child off with and fully be okay with leaving him there. That means something. I went all the way to WI to meet my rock, and she still kicks ass. I let someone in and realized I needed her as much as she needed someone in her court too. These people kept me loosely together when all I wanted to do was fall apart, even if they didn't know it.

I am taking the last few weeks of the year, and working on closing out some projects. I did MAKE an OFFICE in the BASEMENT. I will be finishing that off, and its my own space. I will continue to work on my little book gig, because I really want to see this grow more.
I will continue to go to the 15 appointments we have till the end of this year. I am already racking them into the new year too.

So I will be cranky, I will be overwhelmed, I might not have loved every moment this year, the highs were far between, and the lows outnumbered the good days. I am still here. I am still standing, barely, on the bum knee and the rolled ankle currently so swollen I have a kankle...............but I am still here.

The motto for 2017:
Don’t fill your time with worry – fix what you can and let the
rest take care of itself. Those who are at war with others are not at peace with
themselves. – William Hazlett





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