I am mom hear me roar.
We made it almost four months in to the year and I have yet to sit down and write anything of true substance, it's not for a lack of things, it's just I needed to be in a good place, and I didn't get there till well kinda now. So I hope you have a beverage, this may take a while.
The year started off rocky. My oldest is well, behavioral a lot difficult, and the middle child found he has lots of opinions, and they must be heard. Those two sometimes are like oil and water. When one is loud the other is annoyed, add in everything else and it becomes a fire on top of the water, it just skims the top and becomes more explosive, it really feels like it could go on forever like the ocean. Those battles suck. The oldest is about my height and for now I am stronger than him but that won't always last. We had that.
Then we had the teeth, you ever have to put your kid in a headlock to brush his teeth? You ever have to do that day in and day out because he can't stand to have his teeth brushed. Sensory issues my friend are real in this house, and it affects more than one of us. Well the tooth brushing battle has been touch and go, and unfortunately he paid the price with a mouthful of hurting teeth. Did I tell you he is not good at saying when he is pain? It is a joy (sarcasm) having a child who is communication delayed, sometimes even when they gain words they lack the ability to express it.
The baby, is almost two. Teething. His favorite word is "no", his favorite saying is "Stop It", and "I see you. " He has discovered he is small and in charge, and man did he get some vocal range, strangely I am pretty sure I lost some hearing, coincidence I think not.
Then there was me. Let's be real here, I suffer with or from, however you choose to say it but I have anxiety and depression. Honestly with my kids, and my life, I don't think it will ever go away. So in the mist of all this I realized after a few intense borderline PTSD episodes of anxiety and my inability to make it through a day without crying and falling apart that my medication was no longer working.
However, even when this all sucked, because it did, my amazing friend Amy kept me sane. My other friend Krista became something of a project, she kept me checking in with life, because she needed someone to check in on her. I couldn't have made it through the tunnel of darkness so quickly or so unscathed of battle scars without Amy. Krista became my motivation to be willing to keep the walls down.
My husband and I had some ups and downs, it is not uncommon in any marriage, or any marriage with special needs kids. We powered through, and are still here. We may have gained a battle scar or two, but with any relationship you either work through it or it destroys you. We worked through it. We are in a better place for it.
I sat in the dentist office today talking to the dental assistant, she asked about my kids, we got on the conversation of Autism, as you know it's part of my life, I am not ashamed and I find it almost becomes a test of how much they know, you can read a lot about a person by their reaction. She had a friend who had a kid with Autism, she said something and it stuck with me, she said you know, you must be a fighter then, because my friend has to fight everyday for something, even knowing they bad days could outnumber the good, she wakes up every day and she fights.
Ladies and gents, I am a fighter. I am a fighter of Ninja's, monsters, cold germs, the missing socks, the stuck zippers, the cheese stick wrappers, the medical bills that try and screw us over, the teachers that doubt my kids abilities, the demons that live in the heads of my children, my demons, and anything else that comes our way. I am a fighter, and I never thought I would be this strong.
The year started off rocky. My oldest is well, behavioral a lot difficult, and the middle child found he has lots of opinions, and they must be heard. Those two sometimes are like oil and water. When one is loud the other is annoyed, add in everything else and it becomes a fire on top of the water, it just skims the top and becomes more explosive, it really feels like it could go on forever like the ocean. Those battles suck. The oldest is about my height and for now I am stronger than him but that won't always last. We had that.
Then we had the teeth, you ever have to put your kid in a headlock to brush his teeth? You ever have to do that day in and day out because he can't stand to have his teeth brushed. Sensory issues my friend are real in this house, and it affects more than one of us. Well the tooth brushing battle has been touch and go, and unfortunately he paid the price with a mouthful of hurting teeth. Did I tell you he is not good at saying when he is pain? It is a joy (sarcasm) having a child who is communication delayed, sometimes even when they gain words they lack the ability to express it.
The baby, is almost two. Teething. His favorite word is "no", his favorite saying is "Stop It", and "I see you. " He has discovered he is small and in charge, and man did he get some vocal range, strangely I am pretty sure I lost some hearing, coincidence I think not.
Then there was me. Let's be real here, I suffer with or from, however you choose to say it but I have anxiety and depression. Honestly with my kids, and my life, I don't think it will ever go away. So in the mist of all this I realized after a few intense borderline PTSD episodes of anxiety and my inability to make it through a day without crying and falling apart that my medication was no longer working.
However, even when this all sucked, because it did, my amazing friend Amy kept me sane. My other friend Krista became something of a project, she kept me checking in with life, because she needed someone to check in on her. I couldn't have made it through the tunnel of darkness so quickly or so unscathed of battle scars without Amy. Krista became my motivation to be willing to keep the walls down.
My husband and I had some ups and downs, it is not uncommon in any marriage, or any marriage with special needs kids. We powered through, and are still here. We may have gained a battle scar or two, but with any relationship you either work through it or it destroys you. We worked through it. We are in a better place for it.
I sat in the dentist office today talking to the dental assistant, she asked about my kids, we got on the conversation of Autism, as you know it's part of my life, I am not ashamed and I find it almost becomes a test of how much they know, you can read a lot about a person by their reaction. She had a friend who had a kid with Autism, she said something and it stuck with me, she said you know, you must be a fighter then, because my friend has to fight everyday for something, even knowing they bad days could outnumber the good, she wakes up every day and she fights.
Ladies and gents, I am a fighter. I am a fighter of Ninja's, monsters, cold germs, the missing socks, the stuck zippers, the cheese stick wrappers, the medical bills that try and screw us over, the teachers that doubt my kids abilities, the demons that live in the heads of my children, my demons, and anything else that comes our way. I am a fighter, and I never thought I would be this strong.
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