Life Lessons: The Start of the New Year
It's 2017. I barely have my life together. Barely. I am not a supermodel, or super popular, or even mildly popular for that matter. So what is my point?
This is my point. NOBODY is as thin, or as popular, or hell even rich as they want to be. Everybody wants to be some better version of who they are, and if they tell you otherwise they are lying, or in denial.
I can tell you life here is chaos. It always has been, most likely always will be. I can tell you trying to take care of me now after quite a bit neglect, is a painstaking process, true story, me who is very difficult to draw blood from has a battery of testing to be done. It's not fun all these appointments. I totally get why the kids get so mad at me when we have to go through re-testing and they have like 5 appointments in a month, me I will hit 5 appointments in a 10 day span if I can squeeze in all that lab work ( probably happen on a Saturday).
I wish we had a bigger house, a more organized house, a fence, a full fuel tank, an endless supply of food, and shoes, and clothes. I wish I was prettier, and thinner, and more popular. And then I stop here.
We have a big enough house. Yes it needs more organizing, we will get there someday. The fence will go in after mud season. The full fuel tank, well isn't that easy for us right now but I am sure we will figure it out. We have enough food, the kids need to learn not to be quite so picky, no for real, even me the picky queen of eating has reached a point, where they are beyond my tolerance.
I can't fix the fact that people don't find me pretty. I can't fix the fact that I don't seem to be important enough to some people, and I am learning that is on them not me. My closest friends live in my computer and my phone. I will ALWAYS preach quality over quantity, ALWAYS.
The thinner thing, well, some of that testing will determine if I do have a medical reason for struggling with my weight besides my mental state. Otherwise I am taking steps to work on this. It's really, really, really, hard.
I am learning to let go of some of these things that have been placed on me. I don't have to absorb others opinions of me. I don't have to meet the expectations of everyone. I have been through some stuff. I live in a household every day, that some people walk away from, divorce rate among married couples with special needs kids is higher, we have two confirmed, and the third may be, You don't have to find me attractive, I need to look at me and be confident. I don't need to be whatever version of me I think you want me to be.
I get to be my version. I get to be me. I get to be me.
I take my tea from my Mad Hatter Teapot, with my pretty old school Mad Hatter Tea scene tea cups. I like my tea sweet, and iced, ( like my coffee, iced all year round baby). I like it fruit flavored, or with fruit in it. However, if you would like to have tea with me. I will let you have your tea however you like, bring your own teapot, so you can have your tea the way you like. I will share my tea cups. We can enjoy each others company.
This is my point. NOBODY is as thin, or as popular, or hell even rich as they want to be. Everybody wants to be some better version of who they are, and if they tell you otherwise they are lying, or in denial.
I can tell you life here is chaos. It always has been, most likely always will be. I can tell you trying to take care of me now after quite a bit neglect, is a painstaking process, true story, me who is very difficult to draw blood from has a battery of testing to be done. It's not fun all these appointments. I totally get why the kids get so mad at me when we have to go through re-testing and they have like 5 appointments in a month, me I will hit 5 appointments in a 10 day span if I can squeeze in all that lab work ( probably happen on a Saturday).
I wish we had a bigger house, a more organized house, a fence, a full fuel tank, an endless supply of food, and shoes, and clothes. I wish I was prettier, and thinner, and more popular. And then I stop here.
We have a big enough house. Yes it needs more organizing, we will get there someday. The fence will go in after mud season. The full fuel tank, well isn't that easy for us right now but I am sure we will figure it out. We have enough food, the kids need to learn not to be quite so picky, no for real, even me the picky queen of eating has reached a point, where they are beyond my tolerance.
I can't fix the fact that people don't find me pretty. I can't fix the fact that I don't seem to be important enough to some people, and I am learning that is on them not me. My closest friends live in my computer and my phone. I will ALWAYS preach quality over quantity, ALWAYS.
The thinner thing, well, some of that testing will determine if I do have a medical reason for struggling with my weight besides my mental state. Otherwise I am taking steps to work on this. It's really, really, really, hard.
I am learning to let go of some of these things that have been placed on me. I don't have to absorb others opinions of me. I don't have to meet the expectations of everyone. I have been through some stuff. I live in a household every day, that some people walk away from, divorce rate among married couples with special needs kids is higher, we have two confirmed, and the third may be, You don't have to find me attractive, I need to look at me and be confident. I don't need to be whatever version of me I think you want me to be.
I get to be my version. I get to be me. I get to be me.
I take my tea from my Mad Hatter Teapot, with my pretty old school Mad Hatter Tea scene tea cups. I like my tea sweet, and iced, ( like my coffee, iced all year round baby). I like it fruit flavored, or with fruit in it. However, if you would like to have tea with me. I will let you have your tea however you like, bring your own teapot, so you can have your tea the way you like. I will share my tea cups. We can enjoy each others company.
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