The ending to Pandora's box
How did we get to almost the end of November already?
Two years ago I was basically in the same place physically. I threw out my knee. I sulked for MONTHS and MONTHS after this happened.
A few days before Thanksgiving in 2018, I blew out my knee again, I sit pondering the irony in this. I just had finished doing those appointments this year, as strange as that seems but yes I really waited two years to follow up with the specialist.
Another year almost gone by. Another year, when life totally didn't go as planned. Another year, another excuse. Another year, another reset. Another broken record.
Or is it? Truthfully, I accomplished great things, you just can't see from the outside. I battled my PTSD and my Borderline Personality Disorder for much of the year. I opened up, to a new therapist non the less.
I have talked about the skeletons that are in my closet, and I gave them back to the universe, they don't belong in my closet. I survived hell, I am not a victim. I am a freaking survivor. The skeletons, where what was done to me, I have no ownership other then I have spent too much of life holding onto that crap, and it was heavy. SO incredibly heavy and crushing. It's not MINE anymore. The universe can take it and do with what it feels, but I have let go of the blame.
I joined our local version of the PTA. I somehow feel like I came in like a powerhouse. I am continuing to work on follow through and gather more resources on how to improve, how to build community, how to get the very BEST for not just my kids, but the local kids.
I expanded my Avon business. I fought my anxiety, and my paranoia and went to more vendor shows then I have ever done in any DS business I have joined ( yeah there has been a few). I tripled what I sold last year, and I really didn't even sell to my ability. It has been a slow build for me, and I am okay with that.
I joined another DS very recently, kind of on a whim. I let people in, I reached out, I am grinding away. This one isn't so easy. The haters seem to seem into my cup from time to time and posion my water. It's okay, because I have learned that sometimes when things aren't working it is okay to change how you are doing something. So I grab another cup if you will, and I start back over. The goal stays the same, this is a new thing for me. A reset, doesn't always mean a restart.
Another new thing I have learned to do is to say my feelings. I can tell you I am struggling. I can tell you, I am not hiding it, mind blown right there. I can tell you I live for the resets. This year, this is the year, I learned that resets are not always a bad thing, but if nothing changes, nothing changes.
Perhaps the biggest thing I discovered this year was the fact that Pandora's box DOES have a lid. I can open and close that box now. Pandora's box doesn't own my voice, I do. Let me say it again for the people in the back, I OWN my voice.
Another year, another RESET, not RESTART, because the goal is the same, just I have changed.
Two years ago I was basically in the same place physically. I threw out my knee. I sulked for MONTHS and MONTHS after this happened.
A few days before Thanksgiving in 2018, I blew out my knee again, I sit pondering the irony in this. I just had finished doing those appointments this year, as strange as that seems but yes I really waited two years to follow up with the specialist.
Another year almost gone by. Another year, when life totally didn't go as planned. Another year, another excuse. Another year, another reset. Another broken record.
Or is it? Truthfully, I accomplished great things, you just can't see from the outside. I battled my PTSD and my Borderline Personality Disorder for much of the year. I opened up, to a new therapist non the less.
I have talked about the skeletons that are in my closet, and I gave them back to the universe, they don't belong in my closet. I survived hell, I am not a victim. I am a freaking survivor. The skeletons, where what was done to me, I have no ownership other then I have spent too much of life holding onto that crap, and it was heavy. SO incredibly heavy and crushing. It's not MINE anymore. The universe can take it and do with what it feels, but I have let go of the blame.
I joined our local version of the PTA. I somehow feel like I came in like a powerhouse. I am continuing to work on follow through and gather more resources on how to improve, how to build community, how to get the very BEST for not just my kids, but the local kids.
I expanded my Avon business. I fought my anxiety, and my paranoia and went to more vendor shows then I have ever done in any DS business I have joined ( yeah there has been a few). I tripled what I sold last year, and I really didn't even sell to my ability. It has been a slow build for me, and I am okay with that.
I joined another DS very recently, kind of on a whim. I let people in, I reached out, I am grinding away. This one isn't so easy. The haters seem to seem into my cup from time to time and posion my water. It's okay, because I have learned that sometimes when things aren't working it is okay to change how you are doing something. So I grab another cup if you will, and I start back over. The goal stays the same, this is a new thing for me. A reset, doesn't always mean a restart.
Another new thing I have learned to do is to say my feelings. I can tell you I am struggling. I can tell you, I am not hiding it, mind blown right there. I can tell you I live for the resets. This year, this is the year, I learned that resets are not always a bad thing, but if nothing changes, nothing changes.
Perhaps the biggest thing I discovered this year was the fact that Pandora's box DOES have a lid. I can open and close that box now. Pandora's box doesn't own my voice, I do. Let me say it again for the people in the back, I OWN my voice.
Another year, another RESET, not RESTART, because the goal is the same, just I have changed.
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