Progress Not Perfection

I honestly thought at this point in life I would have things figured out. Life, well it leaves me on a never ending path of new experiences good and bad. I learn things, I regret very few things, and I move on. I go forward into whatever direction the wind blows me. I really do seem to have a Gypsy heart, from year to year the only thing that is the same is the love for my inner circle, and even that changes from time to time.

Life can be mentally exhausting, and December dear lord we fought some battles, I will always, always fight for my kids, all three of them. December was a whole lot of this. I ended some battles in 2019, and just left them where they were, because I am learning that you don't have to always have the last word. Some battles will carry over into 2020, because some, the ones related to my children, all three of them are the ones I NEED to invest my energy in.

I recently had therapy and we did a depression check in because December was that fun and I was feeling the mental exhaustion, and we hit one question, and the growth over the last three years came to a head. For once, I handled the stress, a lot of frayed threads but I used coping skills.

I have a love hate relationship with coping skills. I use meditation, breathing and scripting are my usual go to's. OH and CBD oil, ladies and gents I have NO SHAME in this one, it does wonders for me for many things, my anxiety, helping me relax so I can sleep, car sickness, and even pain management with my knee. Newly added coping skills are setting firm boundaries, and self care. Self care is the hardest one for me, you can't pour from an empty cup.

Starting 2020 my cup was damn near empty. We are 14 days in and I am just starting to be able to breath. Yes there are still Christmas presents that need to be taken care of in my living room, and some other projects that the ending to 2019 prevented me from finishing for health reasons, I am now realizing how freaking serious it was when they said if they couldn't fix what was wrong I was going to need a blood transfusion, and that was in the middle of a shitstorm of other bs.

The take away here, is dammit, I made it. I can see my progress. I can feel my progress, and that is as hard for me to say as it is for me to live. Level-headed is not usually a term used to describe me, I wear my Drama Queen tiara proudly, but maybe as I progress in this chaos of my life, that can be something new to strive for.

2020, might just be the year I strive for progress and not perfection, because being imperfect might just be perfectly fine for me after-all.

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