Hello

I got on the scale this morning, and I have gained 25 pounds since last fall. It might not sound like a lot but when you take into considered I worked my ass off for almost 2 years to loose about 100 pounds, this is huge setback. It should be very apparent if you are on my friends list that my health since last Fall, has been a roller coaster. The number while it sucks to have the set back, is a number. It doesn't show there has been at least 50 appointments for various things, two trips to the ER, and I picked up a few more diagnosis, because why just one. One will make me gain weight, yeah me, I already struggle to loose weight so that one really sucks. The number on the scale also doesn't show that I have made some progress. I have a thigh gap, I never thought that would happen but it did, it doesn't matter how small, a change in the positive direction, is still a change. My bat wings are also smaller, I still have them but they are smaller. The number on the scale doe

 Sometimes I have to write the thoughts rolling around in my head. It is especially important lately as I talk to less and less people. I don't know if it's my view on my relationships or if it is in fact what is happening but I feel like the throw away person. I have felt this most of my life too. It is a symptom of having Borderline Personality Disorder, but what gets harder to figure out is when I get to a point where I feel like I am doing a good job of managing that part of my lift, are these feelings true?  Covid came, and it still lingers. This is one thing that really screwed up a lot of peoples relationships. I got used to living life through Zooms, but it did nothing but increase my anxiety about going out. I feel like I was just starting to come around again and then..........my world got rocked.  Epilepsy is something I never really expected to have to talk about. It wasn't something that was on my radar, so when I got diagnosed, at a weird age in my life, no re

 I got to thinking lately, which can be dangerous for me. I got to thinking about relationships, specifically  my relationships with males.  The relationships within the family were different. My senior year in high school, I felt more like I had to serve as some version of a caretaker for a family member. I am not sure if our relationship ever fully recovered. My Grampa was my knight in shining armor, and later I would learn I got the VERY best version of him. I am glad I learned what I did, it did taint the image a bit, but it gave me a bigger picture. Something I think I needed, it allowed me to get closer to other people in the family. The only person in my family, who is still alive, who weathered all the storms with me, and is still there for me, is my brother.  Now something interesting is I didn't starting dating until college. The relationships I had in high school felt more surface level, there was only two people that went deeper then surface level. I am almost certain i