It's summer don't be a douche canoe.

I got on the scale this morning, and I have gained 25 pounds since last fall. It might not sound like a lot but when you take into considered I worked my ass off for almost 2 years to loose about 100 pounds, this is huge setback.

It should be very apparent if you are on my friends list that my health since last Fall, has been a roller coaster. The number while it sucks to have the set back, is a number.

It doesn't show there has been at least 50 appointments for various things, two trips to the ER, and I picked up a few more diagnosis, because why just one. One will make me gain weight, yeah me, I already struggle to loose weight so that one really sucks.

The number on the scale also doesn't show that I have made some progress. I have a thigh gap, I never thought that would happen but it did, it doesn't matter how small, a change in the positive direction, is still a change. My bat wings are also smaller, I still have them but they are smaller. The number on the scale doesn't show for someone my size, I am actually pretty flexible. The number on the scale doesn't show that I started running again either (it's sloth speed, but it's running).

The number on the scale, doesn't show how stressful life has been. It's not your run of the mill crap either. It's not just the health issues either. It's coping with high stress and not back pedaling on coping with Borderline Personality Disorder, it doesn't take me very long to go from semi sane to bat shit crazy if I am not fighting off going backwards. Numb is easy, feeling is hard. Thinking before you act is really hard.

If you see someone who is bigger in shorts, know it takes courage to walk out of your house in shorts, because people can be dicks. I never used to wear shorts, because one I hate knees ( it's a weird quirk) and for two I was told more then once by complete strangers that I was too big to wear shorts, and my thighs were too big. If you see someone in a bathing suit, know that takes courage too. If you see someone with unshaven legs, or armpits whatever, remember with everything else I have mentioned it takes courage.

It takes courage to walk out of the house in an imperfect body because it's not considered pretty or acceptable in most peoples standards. It takes courage to go through life sometimes when it feels like everything is falling to shit.

It's summer don't be a douche canoe.





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