Hello

 Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there. This is where you find the invisibles as I call it. Can you see Autism,Anziety, PTSD, Depression and many other disabilities/disorders/ or even diseases? No, you can't physically see the titles, but what you can see is aftereffects.  I stand in the grocery isle, usually it's the dairy isle for some reason, but I stand in the dairy isle, I reach for the cooler door, and fumble a bit, it happens to everyone not a big deal right?  What you don't see, is I feel the brain fog coming in. My heart starts racing. My brain can't get my mouth to open. This moment has been coming wether I knew it or not, it's been coming.  My husband looks at me and whispers "hun are you okay? " I shake my head no. He touches my hand and says "How can I help?" I can't speak my body won't let me. So we sit on the floor. We sit till I feel stable enough to get up. I sit with my head leaned back on...

      I think it's been made pretty clear through my writing I keep my circle small, I feel deeply,  and I always feel like an outsider. Something big I had planned last month happened. Something I had to reschedule once because of things out of control. Something that was important to me I waited two years to do.      My husband and I renewed our vows. I would like to say it was an easy thing and my friends and family gathered and it was a great big party. However, like all parties I plan it didn't go that way. Family showed up because well, I  really am lucky there. They are the people I know I can depend on. A few other people really stepped up and shocked the hell out of and made it the event that it was. The numbers were small, but because they were there to support me I kept it together that day. It was a good day.      However,  there was some people that really, really let me down. I'm ride or die. I'm loyal to a fault,...

  I keep my circle small. So small in fact, that when I post these publicly I know the vast majority of people I know in real life will blow past this post. It's been proven since 2014? is that my first post on here.  The person who started writing then isn't the same person who is writing now. She was lonely and desperately trying to fit in somewhere, anywhere. She was overwhelmed and struggling with so  many things, so many. The person who started this set off to save the world through her writing. The person who started off writing, I wish I could hug her, and tell her, she is going to become so much more of the person she wanted to be.  The person writing now, she's been through some shit. She has healed from some shit. She still feels lonely, I don't think we ever stop having those moments, we are human. I know I will never fit in to the places I spent most of my life trying to. I am in a race, with myself most days, just trying to be better then yesterday. Life...

  Isn't that a crazy quote? I saw it looking for something profound and motivational to spin a blog off of. Nearing almost 40 I felt this quote in my soul. Would I consider myself ever been popular? No. Would I say I have had lots of friends? No. Would I ever call myself a trend setter...........guess what the answer is....NO! This quote speaks to me for that reason.  I was and have been the token chubby kid in most peoples lives growing up. I was told I would be prettier if I lost weight. I would get along better with people if I just wasn't so dramatic. I was told if I didn't care so much I wouldn't get hurt so much. I grew up with a love hate relationship with food, still do. I grew up feeling like my value as a person was intertwined with my appearance. I wasn't outwardly attractive by many peoples standards so I internalized it, and it made me find myself not loveable. This is a battle that I have fought most of my life, I know many people have to.  I've wa...