Isn't that a crazy quote? I saw it looking for something profound and motivational to spin a blog off of. Nearing almost 40 I felt this quote in my soul. Would I consider myself ever been popular? No. Would I say I have had lots of friends? No. Would I ever call myself a trend setter...........guess what the answer is....NO! This quote speaks to me for that reason. 

I was and have been the token chubby kid in most peoples lives growing up. I was told I would be prettier if I lost weight. I would get along better with people if I just wasn't so dramatic. I was told if I didn't care so much I wouldn't get hurt so much. I grew up with a love hate relationship with food, still do. I grew up feeling like my value as a person was intertwined with my appearance. I wasn't outwardly attractive by many peoples standards so I internalized it, and it made me find myself not loveable. This is a battle that I have fought most of my life, I know many people have to. 

I've watched people succeed, and sometimes it feels like the prettier they are the easier they have it. That's what the world tells us to be right? Or is it just that the appearance get's their foot in the door? Maybe it's not that the prettier have it easier, they are just given more opportunities. This also means though, there are more opportunities for them to fail too. What keeps the "It Girls" at the top? Looks? Brains? Confidence? All of the above? 

 I will NEVER know what it feels like to be one of them. I think it's about time I let that dream go.  I have put too much work into trying to fit into this pretty girl culture, and once again I have left myself defeated. 

I don't need the world to love me more. I need me to love me more. It doesn't matter where I am in the world, my number one critic will be myself. I think I need to even it out a bit more, and be my own cheerleader too. I have enough critics in the world who will knock me down. Wouldn't it be nice if we could be our own cheerleaders and believe in ourselves as much as we believe in those "It Girls"? 

So come with me on the Hot Mess Express train. We can be beautiful disasters together. There is cookies and coffee here too. I won't judge you if you won't judge me, and then maybe the world can seem a little less cruel, because at least we can take over a small corner of the world. 


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