My Confession


Trigger warning: I briefly talk about self destructive behaviors, mainly eating disorders.  
Link for various crisis helplines will be at the very bottom. 





I used to color. 
I used to craft. 
I used to write as a form a therapy. 
I used to have the desire to be a creative. 

Last year was the year of goodbyes. I swore this year I was going to find my way back to me, but it never happened.  

Chronic illness is just that, it's chronic, it's every day and this year was another roller coaster ride of it. I got as sick as I did the last time they were worried I had that dreaded c word, I didn't,  it was just a scare, but I still got to that point they went back to testing. Then, then I did the thing I haven't done in a while because it became an easy solution,  if I don't eat I can't get sick. 

It became a slippery slope. I don't eat, I can't take my seizure meds, but then I'm not facing the stomach issues. It took a while to figure out the root cause of the stomach issues, but eventually they did. The damage was done though, I had already fallen down the rabbit hole. I lost 15 pounds, but I had been sick so it was easier for everyone to brush it off. Then I just didn't change my eating habits. 

I didn't realize how bad it had gotten until the kids started asking me daily what I ate. I started getting snack deliveries and they would stand there and wait for me to eat whatever little treat they found. 

It's been over 5 years since the last time I got this self destructive with my health. 

It's been a rough few months with big changes, like being forced to withdraw a child from public school and into a charter school. All while managing said child’s own health issues, with mine, while still playing the caregiver roll to others. Everything just got too overwhelming and I did what I do best, I ignore me because I didn't have the mental space to deal with the feelings.  

So as we end 2025, let me tell you if all you did this year was survive,  it's okay. All I did was survive,  BUT we made it through.  This means the track record of survival is still 💯. 

Let's start the changes to be closer to thriving,  please remember the following: 

It's okay to not be okay. 
It's easier to be numb but healthier to feel so let's work on those feelings.  
Food is fuel you are worthy of. 
Give yourself grace and love because you deserve it. 

Link to crisis helplines: 

https://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/treatment-for-eating-disorders/eating-disorder-hotlines

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