Someday I will be beautiful.
Someday I will be beautiful. Someday I will that girl in the grocery store that a complete stranger smiles at for reasons other than that, Oh I have been there parent smile when one of the boys is in the middle of a meltdown or being loud. Someday. I say this a lot actually, someday I will be this person.
Right now the only person that tells me I am beautiful and I think mean it would be my family, mainly my husband and my boys in those rare and unusual moments when they acknowledge my appearance as something other than a pillow. Even I wouldn't go as far as saying I am attractive, which is why we developed the rule that we go with hubby's opinion of my appearance or I would spend so much more time self hating.
It's been a life long struggle. Food is passion, food is my savior, food runs my life sometimes. I am the head cook at Bowen Family Restaurant, a.k.a my kitchen. We started buying healthier, cutting out soda, and carbs because I love carbs. Just don't touch my stash of chocolate. Or my beer/wine/coffee. Those are not negotiable.
Learning things in moderation and staying on this platform is hard. I am five two. Hour glass body frame, a thicker build, and last time I stepped on the scale I think it was around three hundred.
People get sick of my on again, off again, dieting, the exercise and I get that. I never dieted or exercised for me. I always did it for another reason, to fit into this dress, to look good for this photo, to reach a certain weight only to gain it back. I never decided to do it for me.
You can't do it for anybody else. You can't self hate and expect yourself to change, you will fail, because if you don't have faith in yourself why would you expect anybody else to.
I got back into weights at the start of this spring. I got back into carb counting, and eating better. I got back into running, even if it's just in my living room. I got off my ass and started working hard.
I don't own a scale, for a few reasons but let me tell you this, the clothes I bought at the start of spring literally fall off me now. I bet I am still around 290. I toned up my arms some, I have those arms that continue to wave long after I have stopped. I lost an inch or so off my thighs. I sweat when I work out, I never sweat, like hardly ever, but I find myself doing so now.
I may not be who I want to be appearance wise right now. I might not get there next year. I am okay with that, because for the first time that I can remember, I started this for me. I started knowing I wasn't perfect but not in the worst shape either. I picked a routine I liked, threw in some other exercises I hate but figured for good reason I hate them, they make me work, and started running again, because even though I am SLOW I like the way I feel after.
Someday I will be beautiful. Someday I will be beautiful, for me.
Right now the only person that tells me I am beautiful and I think mean it would be my family, mainly my husband and my boys in those rare and unusual moments when they acknowledge my appearance as something other than a pillow. Even I wouldn't go as far as saying I am attractive, which is why we developed the rule that we go with hubby's opinion of my appearance or I would spend so much more time self hating.
It's been a life long struggle. Food is passion, food is my savior, food runs my life sometimes. I am the head cook at Bowen Family Restaurant, a.k.a my kitchen. We started buying healthier, cutting out soda, and carbs because I love carbs. Just don't touch my stash of chocolate. Or my beer/wine/coffee. Those are not negotiable.
Learning things in moderation and staying on this platform is hard. I am five two. Hour glass body frame, a thicker build, and last time I stepped on the scale I think it was around three hundred.
People get sick of my on again, off again, dieting, the exercise and I get that. I never dieted or exercised for me. I always did it for another reason, to fit into this dress, to look good for this photo, to reach a certain weight only to gain it back. I never decided to do it for me.
You can't do it for anybody else. You can't self hate and expect yourself to change, you will fail, because if you don't have faith in yourself why would you expect anybody else to.
I got back into weights at the start of this spring. I got back into carb counting, and eating better. I got back into running, even if it's just in my living room. I got off my ass and started working hard.
I don't own a scale, for a few reasons but let me tell you this, the clothes I bought at the start of spring literally fall off me now. I bet I am still around 290. I toned up my arms some, I have those arms that continue to wave long after I have stopped. I lost an inch or so off my thighs. I sweat when I work out, I never sweat, like hardly ever, but I find myself doing so now.
I may not be who I want to be appearance wise right now. I might not get there next year. I am okay with that, because for the first time that I can remember, I started this for me. I started knowing I wasn't perfect but not in the worst shape either. I picked a routine I liked, threw in some other exercises I hate but figured for good reason I hate them, they make me work, and started running again, because even though I am SLOW I like the way I feel after.
Someday I will be beautiful. Someday I will be beautiful, for me.
Comments
Post a Comment