Living On Borrowed Time
Sometimes in life you are a given a second chance. A chance to change for the better, usually it's with the small stuff, seldomly does it seem to be for the big things, the life or death things.
What do you do when you are only 33, and told you will be dead by 40? You won't die from diabetes, high blood pressure or like, but you will die from your body shutting down. Essentially you will die from pain and your heart will give out. BUT, before you die you will loose your right leg, and then probably your left.
What do you do? How do you muster up everything you got and be like okay I can do this? How do you not beat yourself up? How do you make this commitment even if in your head you have been taking a stroll down that dark tunnel. Mental illness complicates things for many people every day and the outside world doesn't know.
How do you do it?
Well, you put one in front of the other. You sit everyone down and tell them you are going to need them. You learn to say no to putting other things on your plate because damn it, you have to come first.
If you haven't guessed by now, I am actually talking about me.
I weigh 373 pounds, the highest I have EVER been in my whole life. Over the course of the last 10 years I have gained 100 pounds. Recently I hit the core of the issues. Recently I let the walls all tumble down, and I let someone in. It's hard to say it, but when you have experienced trauma (physical, emotional, sexual, or any combo from here) sometimes you develop bad coping mechanisms. Mine was making it so nobody would pay attention to me. Physically I would be unappealing, emotional I would be distant. I would be the social butterfly no longer, I was a wallflower.
Recently we had some things crop in the distant family. It was discussed how as a family unit we live on borrowed time. The statement couldn't have come at a better time.
I have been living on borrowed time for 10 years, and it's time to take my life back.
It's my time to be all in for me, not for anyone else. I can do this, and I will. I will.
What do you do when you are only 33, and told you will be dead by 40? You won't die from diabetes, high blood pressure or like, but you will die from your body shutting down. Essentially you will die from pain and your heart will give out. BUT, before you die you will loose your right leg, and then probably your left.
What do you do? How do you muster up everything you got and be like okay I can do this? How do you not beat yourself up? How do you make this commitment even if in your head you have been taking a stroll down that dark tunnel. Mental illness complicates things for many people every day and the outside world doesn't know.
How do you do it?
Well, you put one in front of the other. You sit everyone down and tell them you are going to need them. You learn to say no to putting other things on your plate because damn it, you have to come first.
If you haven't guessed by now, I am actually talking about me.
I weigh 373 pounds, the highest I have EVER been in my whole life. Over the course of the last 10 years I have gained 100 pounds. Recently I hit the core of the issues. Recently I let the walls all tumble down, and I let someone in. It's hard to say it, but when you have experienced trauma (physical, emotional, sexual, or any combo from here) sometimes you develop bad coping mechanisms. Mine was making it so nobody would pay attention to me. Physically I would be unappealing, emotional I would be distant. I would be the social butterfly no longer, I was a wallflower.
Recently we had some things crop in the distant family. It was discussed how as a family unit we live on borrowed time. The statement couldn't have come at a better time.
I have been living on borrowed time for 10 years, and it's time to take my life back.
It's my time to be all in for me, not for anyone else. I can do this, and I will. I will.
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