J35, the Grief Tour and Me
As some parts of the Nation are watching a Momma Orcha go into an unprecedented third week of grieving for her baby calf, I really got to thinking about her, her pod and why this means so much to me.
Secretly, (not so secretly if you have been around here for any length of time) you are aware that sometimes my thoughts and feelings take on a life of their own. Sometimes the simplest thing can make me cry or make me angry, my threshold for stress often times can be crossed by the drop of a pin.
I had rough pregnancies. There is no denying this, actually Grayson is my miracle baby. We lost him for a week, there was no heartbeat, they said I miscarried. I was too far along to pass him on my own so they were going to have to do an in office procedure, so I went back the next week and to everyone's amazement there was a heartbeat. A strong, loud, can't be missed heartbeat. The baby I had lost was suddenly found. We were elated.
We were left with no explanation. I had just grieved over this baby for a week. He was gone and now he was here, growing inside of me once again. That one week was the longest, scariest, most painful week of my life, and my husbands.
We have that Baby, so it was a beautiful story in the end, a very confusing chapter in my life. When Momma Orcha started caring around her calf, I knew EXACTLY what I would imagine she was going through. I wrote on FB pages of how the team watching her and allowing her to grieve was just as amazing as she was, because, grieving is a deeply personal thing.
When the thoughts of the miscarriage and my happy ending settled, I learned Momma Orcha was letting her pod help carry the calf when she was too tired, if you followed this, I think this was in the end of week two or beginning of week three.
I was left in awe once again, and once again I could relate to parts of my life. This time it spoke to the parts of my life I struggle with when it comes to mental health. I need a village. I need someone I can ask ( reluctantly because I HATE asking for help) when the stress of my life becomes too much and I feel the threads begin to fray.
I thought of my friends, the ones who know and hold my deepest darkest secrets, the ones who I call or text or message when I am a complete mess and I don't want anyone else to see how fragile or broken I am. The ones I turn to when I as so sad I contemplate ending my life and to them it's not about me being selfish, or out of control, they recognize my need for help. They don't judge and they can talk me of the ledge. They get it.
They get it because I do the same for them. Our lives are incredibly chaotic, we walk different paths, wear different style shoes but somehow we have this incredible bond. They are my tribe. I would give them the shirt off my back, and they would do the same for me. It's just how they are, it's just how we are.
I'm still following this story of Momma Orcha, her calf, and her pod. I don't think I have ever felt personally connected to another living creature. Somehow she has become a symbol for my life. It's beautiful, heart wrenching, empowering and makes me cry still.
If you haven't heard about this yet please read this article:
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/grieving-orca-mother-still-carrying-dead-calf-more-than-two-weeks-later/
Secretly, (not so secretly if you have been around here for any length of time) you are aware that sometimes my thoughts and feelings take on a life of their own. Sometimes the simplest thing can make me cry or make me angry, my threshold for stress often times can be crossed by the drop of a pin.
I had rough pregnancies. There is no denying this, actually Grayson is my miracle baby. We lost him for a week, there was no heartbeat, they said I miscarried. I was too far along to pass him on my own so they were going to have to do an in office procedure, so I went back the next week and to everyone's amazement there was a heartbeat. A strong, loud, can't be missed heartbeat. The baby I had lost was suddenly found. We were elated.
We were left with no explanation. I had just grieved over this baby for a week. He was gone and now he was here, growing inside of me once again. That one week was the longest, scariest, most painful week of my life, and my husbands.
We have that Baby, so it was a beautiful story in the end, a very confusing chapter in my life. When Momma Orcha started caring around her calf, I knew EXACTLY what I would imagine she was going through. I wrote on FB pages of how the team watching her and allowing her to grieve was just as amazing as she was, because, grieving is a deeply personal thing.
When the thoughts of the miscarriage and my happy ending settled, I learned Momma Orcha was letting her pod help carry the calf when she was too tired, if you followed this, I think this was in the end of week two or beginning of week three.
I was left in awe once again, and once again I could relate to parts of my life. This time it spoke to the parts of my life I struggle with when it comes to mental health. I need a village. I need someone I can ask ( reluctantly because I HATE asking for help) when the stress of my life becomes too much and I feel the threads begin to fray.
I thought of my friends, the ones who know and hold my deepest darkest secrets, the ones who I call or text or message when I am a complete mess and I don't want anyone else to see how fragile or broken I am. The ones I turn to when I as so sad I contemplate ending my life and to them it's not about me being selfish, or out of control, they recognize my need for help. They don't judge and they can talk me of the ledge. They get it.
They get it because I do the same for them. Our lives are incredibly chaotic, we walk different paths, wear different style shoes but somehow we have this incredible bond. They are my tribe. I would give them the shirt off my back, and they would do the same for me. It's just how they are, it's just how we are.
I'm still following this story of Momma Orcha, her calf, and her pod. I don't think I have ever felt personally connected to another living creature. Somehow she has become a symbol for my life. It's beautiful, heart wrenching, empowering and makes me cry still.
If you haven't heard about this yet please read this article:
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/grieving-orca-mother-still-carrying-dead-calf-more-than-two-weeks-later/
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