What is happening?
As most of us sit in some version of "shelter in place" the thoughts swarm in my head. The words I don't want to say out loud, are about to hit this screen with the clacks of the keyboard. Writing is my therapy, and since I haven't been to therapy in like over month, closer to two I think, I needed to do something. So here we go....
Remote learning for school, has been a flop this week. What is funny is last week we did some activities online from school approved sites and the kids were good with that. Funny how I get the packets from school and the chromebooks come home, and then it's a whole different ball game, and they no longer want to play. I haven't started today, and it's only day two of remote learning, the hope is low today. We shall see what today brings besides coffee, and lots of it.
The other thing that is bothering me, is people hoarding the toilet paper. Did I miss a memo somewhere where this is the golden commodity?? I don't get it. However, we also buy butt wipes in this house and know how to operate the shower, so we good. I don't know how long 5 rolls of toilet paper will last us but for now, fingers crossed, I don't have to go hunting for any.
My real issues though, are coming. Those aren't even the tip of the iceberg. Real issue number one, I have family members that can't get this. It would very well kill them. I am not ready to let them go, and I simply have to hope some asshat doesn't take them out. This is real. I probably wouldn't fare so well myself, that is my husband's worry, that while he is considered a necessary worker he will bring it home and I will get it. This puts a strain on everyday life here.
The real issue is, I can't see my tall kid. My kid in Mass. Everything we were working towards comes crashing hard to a halt. It's like someone is constantly sucking the air out of my lungs, I am walking around on the verge of tears, and feeling like I can't breathe. I can't protect him. I can't see him, yet, good news is hubby got me a laptop just so we could Skype with the tall kid. Husband is a wise man, and I hope it works out that I can at least see the tall kid, it would be good for all of us, but I tend to feel things more. It is a side affect of having a big heart, you worry more, feel things more intensly, and lack the ability to express the feelings.
I worry about my friends who are immune compromised. The ones I know fighting cancer. The little babies that make up my newsfeed. The about to be mommas who are hoping this virus comes to an end before they hit those maternity room doors. I worry about the kids who are too young to be home alone but have to be because parents are still working. I worry about keeping food on our table, because we are picky eaters, it complicates things. I worry about gaining back the weight I had just lost. I worry about everything.
Everyday, every damn day. These are my thoughts. This is just the new anxiety ridden thoughts. We haven't even talked about my normal worries.
Everyday you might come across someone who looks like they are doing fine. They smile that wry smile, and sigh and say it's okay considering............but inside their head, they could be like me. They could have the weight of the world on their shoulder, and be one bad thought away from losing their strength.
Be kind. Stop hoarding. Love each other. Practice social distancing. Love those kiddos, even the teenagers, love them even though they are driving you insane. Live, laugh love, but don't be an asshat.
Remote learning for school, has been a flop this week. What is funny is last week we did some activities online from school approved sites and the kids were good with that. Funny how I get the packets from school and the chromebooks come home, and then it's a whole different ball game, and they no longer want to play. I haven't started today, and it's only day two of remote learning, the hope is low today. We shall see what today brings besides coffee, and lots of it.
The other thing that is bothering me, is people hoarding the toilet paper. Did I miss a memo somewhere where this is the golden commodity?? I don't get it. However, we also buy butt wipes in this house and know how to operate the shower, so we good. I don't know how long 5 rolls of toilet paper will last us but for now, fingers crossed, I don't have to go hunting for any.
My real issues though, are coming. Those aren't even the tip of the iceberg. Real issue number one, I have family members that can't get this. It would very well kill them. I am not ready to let them go, and I simply have to hope some asshat doesn't take them out. This is real. I probably wouldn't fare so well myself, that is my husband's worry, that while he is considered a necessary worker he will bring it home and I will get it. This puts a strain on everyday life here.
The real issue is, I can't see my tall kid. My kid in Mass. Everything we were working towards comes crashing hard to a halt. It's like someone is constantly sucking the air out of my lungs, I am walking around on the verge of tears, and feeling like I can't breathe. I can't protect him. I can't see him, yet, good news is hubby got me a laptop just so we could Skype with the tall kid. Husband is a wise man, and I hope it works out that I can at least see the tall kid, it would be good for all of us, but I tend to feel things more. It is a side affect of having a big heart, you worry more, feel things more intensly, and lack the ability to express the feelings.
I worry about my friends who are immune compromised. The ones I know fighting cancer. The little babies that make up my newsfeed. The about to be mommas who are hoping this virus comes to an end before they hit those maternity room doors. I worry about the kids who are too young to be home alone but have to be because parents are still working. I worry about keeping food on our table, because we are picky eaters, it complicates things. I worry about gaining back the weight I had just lost. I worry about everything.
Everyday, every damn day. These are my thoughts. This is just the new anxiety ridden thoughts. We haven't even talked about my normal worries.
Everyday you might come across someone who looks like they are doing fine. They smile that wry smile, and sigh and say it's okay considering............but inside their head, they could be like me. They could have the weight of the world on their shoulder, and be one bad thought away from losing their strength.
Be kind. Stop hoarding. Love each other. Practice social distancing. Love those kiddos, even the teenagers, love them even though they are driving you insane. Live, laugh love, but don't be an asshat.
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