This is our forever road
To all who read this, this may seem like a no brainer but I just realized this like whole heart idly, like I had never thought of it before.
My oldest is never going to be "normal." He is always going to struggle. There will NEVER be a moment when we have caught up. He just won't. His destiny is yet to be determined. He has yet to figure out some relatively simple things in his life. This is how he is going to be, this road, this is our forever road. This is our forever road.
I may have to watch Damian longer than I watch Jon. He may be an adult living with us. I may have to continue to build ties with the community for him. He may never be able to go to the doctors by himself. He may never be a fully functioning adult, chances are he will always need guidance. He will struggle to hold a job. He will struggle with day to day tasks, like hygiene, and remembering his laundry.
This never crossed my mind. NEVER. I didn't expect this road to be our forever road. I always held hope that someday he would just catch up, but that isn't reality.
The reality is weeks like the last few weeks are my life. The reality is this is our path, and I can accept it and move on or be miserable for the rest of my existence because in reality it is going to get worse before it get's better and even further down the road, there is never going to be a perfectly maintained road.
Jon at some point might pass his big brother, at some point they will at level ground and then Jon might progress and move further down the road than Damian. Then we will have the struggles of that point, when the older brother is the one behind. That's a lot of feelings, that's not going to be fun.
This is my life. This is a road I NEVER would have picked, because I would have never thought I was strong enough to travel it. This is our forever road, because he will always be my first baby.
My oldest is never going to be "normal." He is always going to struggle. There will NEVER be a moment when we have caught up. He just won't. His destiny is yet to be determined. He has yet to figure out some relatively simple things in his life. This is how he is going to be, this road, this is our forever road. This is our forever road.
I may have to watch Damian longer than I watch Jon. He may be an adult living with us. I may have to continue to build ties with the community for him. He may never be able to go to the doctors by himself. He may never be a fully functioning adult, chances are he will always need guidance. He will struggle to hold a job. He will struggle with day to day tasks, like hygiene, and remembering his laundry.
This never crossed my mind. NEVER. I didn't expect this road to be our forever road. I always held hope that someday he would just catch up, but that isn't reality.
The reality is weeks like the last few weeks are my life. The reality is this is our path, and I can accept it and move on or be miserable for the rest of my existence because in reality it is going to get worse before it get's better and even further down the road, there is never going to be a perfectly maintained road.
Jon at some point might pass his big brother, at some point they will at level ground and then Jon might progress and move further down the road than Damian. Then we will have the struggles of that point, when the older brother is the one behind. That's a lot of feelings, that's not going to be fun.
This is my life. This is a road I NEVER would have picked, because I would have never thought I was strong enough to travel it. This is our forever road, because he will always be my first baby.
Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThank you!!! Sometimes it is nice to know others are there.
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