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The arrival on Mini Thor meant the chaos had officially hit. The careful schedule we were all used to, especially Littleman ( he is on the Autism spectrum, structure is very important) was out the window, and in the driver seat was Mini Thor. Life run by a newborn is totally logical if you have ever meet one, they don't understand when you HAVE to go to the bathroom. They don't care, if they are sleeping on you and your arm has been numb for the last thirty minutes and you move them ever so gingerly and they start screaming. They simply don't care. For the other three members in the household this has been a tough adjustment. Squeaker is suffering from middle child syndrome. He is very much look at me look at me. Littleman has basically decided he is going to be pissed at me and everything is my fault, our bad days by far outweigh our good. Hatter has been working his ass off, and has hit his breaking point, he is just toast. He needs a break from all the overtime and the...

Things you learn in life, nothing goes as planned, even your backup plan. So let us start with a recap of the week. On June 10, I had an semi impromptu doctors appointment. I had massive swelling in my feet, my toes turned purple and I was losing circulation in my hands and feet. Now if your pregnant and you haven't typically had these issues this is a bad sign, this could be a sign of toxemia. In my case they were like well your miserable your close to the end, if you get a headache go to the ER. Okay so now I was pissed. I still had to go in the next day for my pre-op appointment. June 11, go to my pre-op appointment, rather bitchy. It was a quick trip. I did some errands before hand, Littleman was going to run out of his medicine and I wanted to make sure he was good. So I go to leave my appointment and realize the nice shiny still under three month old van had been hit. Seriously. I cried. Freaked out a little, then freaked out a lot. Came home, had the babysitter stick aroun...

I really don't mean to be a downer but when you enter the Land of Chaos sometimes we have to face the less than perfect moments head on. I am not good at outwardly expressing these feelings. Actually I am a very good at burying my head in the sand. Slowly the people that have become my inner circle have pushed me to come out of the sand recently. As I wait still for Mini Thor to make his appearance these are things that are going through my head. Littleman is 10. He is in fourth grade. He is on the Autism Spectrum and has some accompanying behavioral disorders like Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder, and a few other little quirks. He is always going to be the most difficult child. I don't say this to be mean, or to give an excuse, this is just life. This is just the things we work with everyday in our life. There is so much more that goes into him and his ten years then I willing to cover right now. Let's just say as much as we struggle with him so...

I guess for this all to make sense we have to go back in time to Halloween of 2013. We had tried to get pregnant, and I had grown impatient. I got pregnant with Squeaker like two weeks coming off birth control. This time it took almost 6 months. So we were so excited to get to the point of the very first ultrasound. So, so very excited. And then the world came crashing down. They said there was no heartbeat. I can remember laying there in the awkwardness of the ultrasound going wow the verbage from the tech is weird, something isn't right. And it wasn't. We were ushered rather quickly into the doctors office after, and the doctor said I am sorry to tell you but there is no heartbeat. We can see the embryo sac, and we are unsure of if you will be able to pass it. We might have to go in to retrieve it but we will know more next week. So next week came and imagine the surprise of the tech when there WAS a heartbeat. A strong perfect little heartbeat. That we didn't expect. ...

If life was a fairy tale I would have a house. We would own the car that sits outside in the parking lot. We would never live paycheck to paycheck. We would never choose to pay one bill and hope they don't shut off the cable bill before it can get paid. If life was fairy tale my student loan debt would be easier to manage. If life was fair I wouldn't have to worry about losing my eye sight or the white hairs that seem to be coming up out of nowhere. If life was a fairy tale I would be a size twelve and about five five or five six. But life is not a fairy tale. We rent a beautiful townhouse, in a good school district. We have a loan out for the shiny ( okay not so shiny its winter here) red car in the parking spot my husband wishes he could declare his. Its a magic trick that sometimes doesn't end well, with our bills. My student loans will always be a pain in my ass. I have to take good care of myself something that I find is not high on my own list, but I have to remind ...

Hello,      As this is the best introduction you will ever get from me there is three things I tell people 1) You know when you are two and you ask why for everything, I never outgrew that stage in life. 2) I think I am witty, sarcastic, and I feel with all my heart in everything I do, I am me 110% of the time even if I wish I wasn't so transparent. 3) I wear many hats in life but the ones I let define are, mother,wife, friend, sister, daughter, lover, fixer of all broken toys, slight drama queen, shoe fanatic, artist, and unique.      I am a mother to my 9 year old stepson, forever to be known as Littleman and I have a 3 year old boy known as Squeaker. In August I will be married for 5 years to the man that was basically the bad boy that was tamed. My boys are complex, you will hear me use this term A LOT so pay attention to this part, My stepson has ADD and Aspergers (which is soon to become high functioning Autism), my husband has the sa...